Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Queen of the house of boys list to survival...

(*Update: after publishing this post I found a another Queen of boys mom on twitter. And she has entire website devoted to moms with boys only! How exciting is that!

Things you should have when you are the queen of a house full of boys…
This is a survival list of items that would be helpful for a mom in a house full of boys. Some things are practical, some are just dreams, some are must have’s!

1. At least 2 bathrooms. (A woman needs her privacy!)

2. A key to your bathroom!

3. A urinal.

4. A soft close lid for the toilet.

5. A container of cleaning wipes for the toilet seat next to the toilet.

6. Black towels! Don’t bother with white towels; they will be used to wash the dog, the car, the sidewalk, mud, oil, etc.

7. A stash of inexpensive food for when all the friends come over.

8. A padded room for horse-play. This would be best if it had a floor made out of a wrestling mat, and walls padded with foam. No exposed light fixtures, and doors made of steel.

9. Oh wait….maybe the padded cell…I mean room is for mom to go and curl into a ball when distress hits.

10. All doors should be equipped with anti slamming devices.

11. A bin with built in deodorizer to stash their shoes.

12. Floors that can be hosed down.

13. A maid.

14. You should have a stash of goodies that your boys know nothing about, just for mom.

15. A room right inside the door where you can hose them down and bag up their dirt before entering the home.

16. Extra toothbrushes for their friends that NEVER bring a toothbrush when they stay.

17. Extra underwear for those same boys who NEVER bring a change of clothes when they stay over!

18. Plastic plates, no breakable plates, bowls, or glasses.

19. Tylenol!

20. Those Bose headphones that keep out all noise!

21. A megaphone to get through the selective hearing sound barrier.

22. A tape recorder so that you don’t have to repeat yourself 50 times.

23. A designated place to put their keys, billfold, other small items so that you are not forever trying to find them.

24. A room that is moms only! Filled with pink frilly things that boost your estrogen level back up!

25. Lots and lots of band-aids and Neosporin.

26. Deodorant and lots of good smelling soap to mask the sweat!

27. You will need a place for them to stash their bike parts, skateboard parts, a place where they can tear stuff apart and attempt to put them back together again. A place where they can drop their oily tools and not damage the carpet.

28. You will need to have a set of pink sparkly tools that they will not want to use.

29. A set of tools of their own, cheap...because they WILL lose them!

30. You should have a blog...where you can vent...I mean talk to other women about life with kids, read their trials and errors so that you feel better about yourself.

31. Girlfriends on speed dial so that you can call and talk about girl stuff.

32. Books about boys to learn about how their brains think. 99% of boys/men have brains made up of boxes. None of their boxes touch. When they are in one box...they are thinking of nothing but that box. Then...they all have a box that is filled with NOTHING. It is their treasured "Nothing Box". This is the place where they are in when they are flipping channels aimlessly. They need this nothing box to survive! (Womens brains are made up of wires, where everything is connected to everything and their is never a moment that is not spent thinking about something).
33. Be specific! Boys don't usually have the ability to read between the lines. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.

34. A clear list of rules for them and their friends. Don’t be afraid to be stern with their friends as well…while we want them to come to our house and feel welcome, they will not come to my home and disrespect and destroy without consequences. Oh…on that same note, when a new friend shows up…ask them their name, their parents name, get their phone number and address.
35. Last but not least....PRAYER! Lots and lots of prayer. As they are skateboarding without their helmet that isn't cool, or ramping their bike, jumping off of stairs, climbing to the are going to be in constant prayer...for them...and for YOUR patience!


  1. I think moms of boys need a long stretch of pavement (preferably a sidewalk not the road) on a hill in front of their homes for their boys to run up and down barefoot even when it's below 30 degrees....possibly with a cape, depending on the age...or not...I don't know why this came to mind....really, I've never had my boys do this......never, not me. I think a chauffeur to take the mom or the boys away from time to time, might be lovely also... -Chris Ann

  2. This is too good! I love numbers 21 and 31 and oh heck, I like them all! Can you tell I am a little loopy from being in my house of boys? "Prayer, lots and lots of Prayer"...yes, yes, and yes. I could not have said it better!