Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Peeling the layers....

**If you would like to go back to the beginning of my weight loss blog journey, go here. On the original post is where I will be updating and tracking my actual weight loss amounts.**

Some thoughts as I begin to peel the layers of fat that have "protected" me for so long.

Last night I realized that I eat not realizing it. I had been doing well all day with eating. Workout was great. Then I started to prepare supper. I made a healthy butternut squash and vegetable soup. While I was cooking that, I was also cutting up grapes and cheese and feeding them to my baby. Well, I started to take samples...and didn't really think about it till a while into it. I know, carrots, potatoes, celery, squash, grapes, cheese..are all good for you. However, I also know it is also all about portions! If you nibble on it all while you are making it THEN eat 1-1/2 bowls of the it still healthy? Probably not. Not sure if the squash is a veggie or a starch. I am a little nervous for weighing today. I's only day 2 of the challenge and I shouldn't expect much. I also know that I shouldn't weigh myself each day....but I will anyways. It becomes kind of an addiction.

On the same subject of unconsciously eating...I also notice this while I am feeding my baby. I will be doing good...then I start gettin bored the longer I sit there...before I know it, I have eaten half of his cheerios. I do usually realize it though, but not until I have devoured most or all of it. (Don't worry, baby is well fed. He is a 22 pound 1 year old.)

Does anybody else do this unconscious eating? Please tell me I am not the only one. PLEASE!!!

I heard on the radio yesterday morning that women do better do lose weight when they have a workout partner...but we usually only help that friend out until they reach our level. If they start to do better or get skinnier then us...then we stop helping them. Is this true? I know that I have attempted working out with other people before. What I have found is that I would prefer to workout alone. I don't mind being there with a friend, but I am not really about a lot of talking while working out. I am usually battling my own mind. Trying to get lost in a TV show or the music. Trying to think ONLY positive thoughts. Nothings is worse then trying to work out and having a friend or person speak nothing but negative thoughts and unloading all of their problems on you. Wait, hold up…please don’t get me wrong. I enjoy helping friends, and even have taken a credited Bible college course on “Healing the Lost”, but when I am working out…I just want to go to another place ya know?

While watching “The Biggest Loser” last night I realized that I judge other fat people. Really? Even after I have been overweight most of my life. I look at them in their spandex outfits at weigh in and think…ewww…gross! Look at all those rolls! Why do they make them wear spandex! That right there is enough to make me never want to try out! I have always known that I am overweight, but I have never really seen myself as looking like “one of them”. Until now…I have always had my weight distributed fairly evenly. A couple of rolls on the tummy, and then a bunch on the rear, thighs, and chest area. After baby #2, I now have a gut that I can no longer suck in, more rolls than ever. The dreaded back rolls. The dreaded stretch marked sagging arms. The reality is…several of those women on that show STARTED the show weighing LESS than I do now! Now several of them are weighing WAY less than I do now. I fight back the tears as I watch the show not because I am happy for them…but because I am sooo jealous! On a positive note: last night was the first time I have watched the show this season and not eaten a bag of chips or a bowl …er…ahem…a container of ice cream.

I have many many more thoughts rummaging through my mind, but I will save them for another post so that your retinas don't bleed.

**Thank you for following my journey, I am doing this for myself. Not my kids, not my husband (although they will directly benefit from this)...I have to do this for myself. However, if I inspire a few others along the way, my motivation will increase surely! Please tell me about your own struggles. If it isn't weight loss, what is it?**


  1. I am grateful for your openness and vulnerability on this topic. I think that you are absolutely gorgeous inside and out! You have the most beautiful eyes and are very welcoming and comfortable to be around. After seeing all your blogs and pictures of cakes and meals that you create, I know that you are also a very capable and talented person You can and will accomplish anything you set your mind to. I agree with you - I prefer to workout alone, too. I have a small exercise room in my basement and I still procrastinate about working out. It is always a struggle to get started but when I complete my workout for the day I always feel a wonderful sense of accomplishment. I still have to force myself to get started - daily. Take it one day at a time and remember you didn't gain the weight overnight and it isn't going to come off overnight either AND muscle weighs more than fat so sometimes that scale won't move at all but your clothes will feel looser - that is progress! Know that many of us women are sweating right along with you and struggling right along with you. Thank you for your encouragement and for sharing. You can do it!

  2. WOW, you hit the nail on the head. Everything you said is so true. I think women are bad unconscious eaters. I know I do it.
    I always say I want a workout buddy but bever take that step to get one.