Monday, January 23, 2012


A while back I read the book "Unlocked" by Karen Kingsbury. It is about an Autistic boy who hadn't talked or barely communicated verbally for years and years. It took the bravery and dedication of one girl, a friend to "Unlock" his ability to communicate.

Yesterday I had an "Unlocked" break through at church. I sing. I have always been able to sing, I have always LOVED to sing. Music is one of the biggest things that speaks to me. However, when singing in front of others, I have always held back. I rarely ever, probably never just belted it out in a way where there was no holding back. Primarily due to fear of messing up. If I sing loud...but not TOO loud and not TOO would be easier to hide any imperfections in my notes or if I mess up a word or phrase. Yesterday, was a day unlike any other. We did 3 songs which were all pretty new to our praise band. All by Jesus Culture. Freedom Reigns (Where the Spirit of the Lord is), Worthy is the Lamb, You Won't Relent. We did great with all of them, but You Won't Relent was the show stopper. First time through it went "ok". But then I stepped out of God's way and He showed up in a big way. I sang like I have never sang (In front of other people) before! It was like something was unlocked. It was amazing. "I" wasn't amazing. It was God working through me and the entire Praise band that was amazing.

On my drive home I started thinking...I have always seen myself being able to sing and perform like I did on Sunday. But I had never actually achieved it. Sunday I achieved it. Now I KNOW that I can do it, and if feels liberating. Do you know what it is like to know that you have a gift, but for 32 years to have never fully used it? Its kind of like having the cure to cancer 2 feet away from you, you can see it, but it is locked behind a 10 inch piece of bullet proof glass.

Then I started thinking about my weightloss rollercoaster. If you have been with me for awhile you will remember, if is the history. Just 4 weeks ago I was back up to 242 pounds. Just 2 years ago when I first went public with my weight I was 243.2. I lost weight, got down to 218, got pregnant, got up to 255 during my pregnancy, lost weight back down to 225 within a couple weeks of giving birth. Then slowly crept back up maxing out at 242. In the last couple of weeks I have slowly been getting motivated and changing little habits. I have already lost 6 pounds and am down to 236. I have been toying with the idea of signing up for Medifast for months. My friend Debby has been on it this last year and has lost 60 pounds. She looks amazing! I know how to diet, I know what I have to eat, I know how to excercise. Most overweight people do know how to do all of this because we have tried it ALL! I am only committing to 30 days of this plan, there were no contracts. I just need something to kick start me and help me get my habits turned around. The more simple things are, the easier it will be to stick with it.

Back to my thinking on Sunday. I started thinking about how I have always invisioned and dreamed about being skinny. I could see it happening, but always holding back on my full potential. I would lose a bunch of weight and then soon after sabotauge myself somehow. I would like to think THIS is MY SEASON. My season of unlocking my full potential in all areas of my life.

It's my turn! I am sick of sitting back watching other people enjoy what life has to offer!

1 comment:

  1. Good for you!

    I used to sing on the worship team at our old church, and hope to get back to doing it again someday. It's such a great feeling!

    And good luck to you on Medifast. I'll be anxious to hear how it works for you!